You Think You’re A Leader? LISTEN.

by Maria Chiara Assunta T. Alviar

Some people have the ‘gift of gab,’ impressing people with how much they know and how good they speak. They’re popular! The minute they enter the room, the crowd immediately recognizes their presence and these chatterboxes just won’t stop. But have you ever noticed that person who would sit next to you when it’s your time to talk?

Ed Brodow, an author, shares his story:

“I was having lunch at a bistro in St. Paul de Vence, a picturesque hill town in the south of France. In my fractured French, I tried to order a bottle of beer. “Je voudrais une bouteille de biere, sil vous plait.” I would like a bottle of beer, I told the waitress.
“In a can,” she replied. “Non,” said I, “En bouteille!” In a bottle. With her hands on her hips and a sneer on her face, she repeated, “In a can!” Now I was really getting mad. “Not in a can,” I insisted. “In a bottle. En bouteille. EN BOUTEILLE!”
She threw her hands up in despair. “Monsieur, IN A CAN!”
“All right,” I said. “Have it your way. Give it to me in a can. Anything. Just give me a beer!”
She stormed off and returned with a bottle of Heineken. Heineken, when you say it in French, loses the “H” and sounds like, “In a can.” I practically fell off my chair, I was laughing so hard. She thought I was nuts.”

Brodow says that listening is a forgotten art. He even wrote, “We hear mostly what we want to hear, not what the other person is trying to communicate to us.”

Many believe that not only because of cultural differences, like how Brodow experienced it, but also because of the technology we have today (portable media players, computers, television, etc.), makes the youth’s attention span shorter, and worse, listening interests reduced.

“We have developed a self-righteous, self-centered culture of listening through the years. Ironically, however, we know that listening plays a key role in one’s growth,” says a junior college class president.

EAR POWER

Communication is not entirely about delivering your message across, but it is also about gathering everything you need to create good messages for others. In listening, you get more information, learn to express yourself better, and understand every individual you meet.
As a young leader, you have to step up to great challenges! If you think all the talking will get your message across, then think again.
Your tiny ears have the power to make you comprehend what other people need, what they think, or even how they feel.
Admit it, you feel better when someone listens whole-heartedly to what you have to say.

So what’s stopping us from listening? Here are Arthur Robertson’s 10 common bad listening habits:

1. Lack of interest in the subject
In classrooms or youth forums, most students say “This is boring!” as instead of “What can I learn from this?”

2. Focus on the person, not on the content
Just like in comedy bars, or highly respected gatherings with celebrities, people would not mind about what they say but how they act.

3. Interrupting
It can be really impolite if you’ll jerk out of your seat for a question in the middle of the speaker’s discussion.

4. Focus on the detail, missing the big picture
Most people tend to critique things in introspect rather than keeping an open mind and conceptualize in retrospect.

5. Force-fitting their ideas into your mental models
Everyone has their own ideas to work on but as instead of letting the speaker present his thoughts, you let it fit in to what is already in your mind.

6. Body language that signals disinterest
The professor forced all of his students to sit-up straight and before the time ends, he finds you slouching with your chin resting comfortably on your right palm like Ninoy.

7. Creating or allowing distractions
Your prof has a great discussion on Relationships today, but you were busy sending texts to your special someone because you started fighting an hour ago.

8. Ignoring what you do not understand
If you’re an English major and you were told to attend a forum on Science explaining the health effects of aspartyl-phenylalanine-1-methyl ester (Aspartame), they will find you sleeping in a corner.

9. Letting emotions block the subject
There are cases wherein emotions get in the way of effective communications, say if your opponent in the coming elections is delivering a speech and you know that person said something bad about you, you would block yourself from listening to his 10-point agenda, even if in truth, those are brilliant ideas.

10. Daydreaming
What’s better left to do in a boring seminar hall? Imagining you’re in a cruise with your crush, off to the Bahamas.

HOWEVER, if you have discovered that you have poor listening skills, there is still hope. As opposed to 10, here are four ways to let your ears take you to another level:

1. PAY ATTENTION
One song in the movie ‘Sister Act’ says, “If you want to be somebody, if you want to go somewhere, you better wake up and pay attention,” and it all starts with your attitude. At this point, don’t let your ears do all the work, let your eyes gaze on the speaker, look at him with much interest, tell yourself “Okay, what can I learn from you today?”

2. Help them speak
Not everyone is gifted with a brilliant tongue. Some speakers need affirmation from their audience, and some are just too shy, like a friend who is going to present a report in class of a terror educator. Learn to smile and ask positive questions.

3. Support the person
Don’t you feel good when someone listens to you? Do the same for your speaker.
You do not necessarily have to agree with what the person has to say, but at least, as a sign of respect, listen. A great leader’s attitude is to accept and also value each and every person.

4. Manage your reactions
You as listener, and the other person as the speaker both have emotions. Also, is but natural for us to have a need to react on what the other has to say. However, we have to remember that good leaders make good decisions, think about what you have to say, and how the other person would take it. Choice of words matter because words create impressions.

Take listening as an advantage. You may not be the center of attention as compared to the ‘fab gab,’ but at the end of the day, it is how much you learned that matter most. People learn from other people’s experiences, even mistakes. And as a young leader, you need to be aware of the many things you have not experienced yet.
Listening gives you the power to weight decisions, to strengthen your critical thinking skills, and to be wiser.
Listen without judgment and you will find yourself listening to yourself; listening to the future.